Too Afraid to Grab Horns…

So, I think when one is not getting enough, maybe writing about it could help. Maybe.

I am a single mother. I am a single mother with a rather large sex drive who is not dating anyone. I do have a friend with benefits (FwB), but, gentle reader, having sex once every 3 weeks or so is like a drop water in a vast dried up ocean of desire.

*laughs* Apparently being horny makes me poetic.

The thing is, I don’t want just another FwB. I’m not just horny, I’m also lonely. I want someone who is not just a source of regular (and hot and kinky ;)) sex, but a companion, company, an emotional connection, someone to go out with! Am I asking for too much? I dunno, maybe… what with working full time, the toddler, all my many hobbies, my insane money woes, not to mention trying to get together with just my FRIENDS, I already have so much on my plate. I don’t know that I have a whole lot left to give to anyone else, or if that’s even fair to anyone else.

And the kicker is I don’t want a man. Or, rather, I don’t want JUST a man. I’m actually rather content with my male FwB, and I’ve been drawn more and more lately to women. I have only just recently consciously realized that I’m bisexual, though looking back I think I started finding woman attractive in high school. I think I even know now who was my first girl crush :). I mean, I did mess around with women (and men, I do so love me a threesome) in college, but I only in the last couple of years recognized that I’m really, truly attracted to women, and not just for their bodies. I’m still getting used to my new identity: pagan bisexual mom who is defined by many of her hobbies (geek!!) with a career she both loves and finds impossibly difficult at times. The poly thing, that’s not new to me, though it rarely works out as expected. So I guess I’m looking for a primary woman, as my boy’s definitely my secondary.

I’ve dated a few women, but they were hot and fast and went up in big flames of crazy. *sigh* A couple of the women and I are friends again, which is nice (both married with kids now, now that I think about it… hmm…), but the one that I had the biggest crush on was also the biggest falling out, and she still hates my guts and refuses to acknowledge my presence if we happen to cross in the same circle. It was tramatizing, and I still haven’t really gotten over it. And I guess that’s my problem. I’m terrified to approach women now, more or less.

It’s hard to get some when one is too scared to go out and actually acquire anything, huh? I’m too scared to even approach women, let alone talk to them. And part of that is social stigma and fear of rejection, and part of that is old heart wounds. Ah, yes, the human condition at work. And so instead of daring to get out there, I sit at home with a full supply of batteries and long for the percieved unatainable just because… I’m human. Such is life sometimes.

So, until I finally grab the bull by the horns (Ewe? Ewe’s have horns, and female caribou…), I’ll be here, at the ready. In the meanwhile, at least I did learn something about myself and my identity, and what I want. Until next time, dear reader, I bid you happy orgasms. 😉

Ickle Me, Tickle Me, Pickle Me…If You Can

SEX DILEMMA OF THE WEEK!

I’ve always been an immensely ticklish girl. I’m sad to say it’s not the type of ticklish that does much for me in the bedroom either. As a child, I hated it when my relatives would get me in a tickle match – it felt like torture to me. As a teenager, tickle matches inevitably lead to fooling around with my high school boyfriends, so they weren’t ALL bad. But they still felt a little like torture, and it made it awfully hard to do anything unless I was really turned on. And if I got tickled (my neck being the absolute worst spot to touch me at the time), all bets were off for at least twenty minutes, because every tickle sensor in my body would activate. I had boyfriends who loved to tease me about my ‘tickle force field’; I would close my eyes and they would wiggle their fingers within a few inches of me…AND I COULD FEEL IT.

However, if they were able to breach the force field and arouse me with a little clever foreplay, the tickling went away completely and we were free to have a rocking good time. And so it continued well into my twenties and my marriage.

In the last couple of years, all that has changed. Though I didn’t think it was possible, the tickling problem has gotten worse. It started with my sides and my hips…a firm stroke was required during foreplay or it would set me off into fits of giggles. No lightly stroking fingers, no feathers, not even a gentle caress allowed. Then, it started happening to my inner thighs…and I was never ticklish there before. My vagina and the surrounding area had always been one of the few tickle-free zones! My vag had been the one friend I could count on, as if the tickle sensors were the moat for my maidenhood. A man that could breach my moat had proven himself worthy of frolicking in my pleasure castle. But it seemed my moat was spreading a little.

Finally, in the past year or so, the ultimate of indignities…MY VAGINA IS NOW TICKLISH, Y’ALL. Even when I’m turned on. It’s a brief moment of hell in my life every time my husband’s fingers attempt to quest into my panties. Most of the time he can’t even make it down there without me taking his hand and SLAPPING it straight onto my crotch, lest I dissolve in a fit of most-unsexy giggling. And I do mean I need to SLAP it down.

And if he wants to go down on me? FORGET IT. It’s like a double-fit of ecstasy and torture; if his tongue grooves one way, I groove right back, and if it grooves another way, I spasm in a fit of ticklish torture. He probably can’t tell the difference between my various mattress-spasms, but if I make it through a minute of cunnilingus before pulling him up for air, it’s a good day.

Naturally I’m pretty depressed about this. My husband is quite the cunning linguist, you see, and I’d like him to speak his sweet poetry in my love library a lot more often.

What I find interesting is that one of my friends has very similar tickling issues. Both of us feel it has gotten worse as we’ve gotten older. We are both the same age (31 this year); I don’t know if that has anything to do with it or not. She was informed by a therapist that tickling is typically a juvenile response that decreases as you age and that it should be gone by adulthood. (I guess that means we’re getting more immature as we age.) I just always assumed some people were more ticklish than others and that’s the way it was always going to be. If that therapist is right though, it sounds as if my body is doing the opposite of what it should, and it’s depriving me of a more satisfying sexual experience.

Therein lies my dilemma. Can anything be done about my body’s too-sensitive responses? Can anyone confirm what the therapist said above, and offer some possibilities as to why some of us seem to have bodies that aren’t doing as they should? Does anyone want to commiserate with us?