modestminx

So I’m not a mom (yet) but I know sex. Particularly, I know sex as someone who has always been very modest. Especially when it comes to my actual sexual experiences. I’ll kiss and tell all about them and I can talk about any “taboo” subject under the sun without getting squeamish and give advice, laugh and joke with the rest of the Dirty Old Moms… But when it comes to “behind the closed doors” of my bedroom, I am pretty timid and nervous between the sheets.

I was raised in a household where we didn’t really talk about sex. It wasn’t an off-limits topic – it just wasn’t one that came up often when I was around aside from my aunt telling me often that “men are evil and they’ll do and say anything to get in your pants!!!” (Mostly true, though not ALL men are EVIL, per se…)

I was sexually abused at a young age, which contributed to my desire to experiment with friends and also to masturbate. I never touched myself with my own fingers and instead rubbed against things. A lot. From what I recall, this was almost daily. When caught, I was simply told not to do that anymore and I didn’t understand why when it Felt. So. Good!

My teen years were spent worrying about my appearance as an overweight middle schooler and when I was 15, I got involved in a long distance relationship. I knew nothing about sex except what my best friend had told me and what I’d picked up on in R-rated movies. But we managed hours upon hours of (then) satisfying phone sex and I made my way through by masturbating and what I thought to be passable dirty talk. When I was in 11^th grade, I gave my crush head on the night of senior prom. Later that year, I met a guy and slept with him on the first night. It was awful, as “lost-my-virginity” stories usually are, and I’ll spare you the details…for now.

They say in college you either gain your freshman 15 or go through your freshman free for all. Well I lost 20 lbs in the first 2 months I was there so you can guess I went through my fair share of men! I was in an on-again, off-again relationship and everytime we were off, I was getting it on. Prior to the long string of randoms, I had had sex with only 3 guys, all of whom I was in relationships with. I learned a lot from these men without having to be specifically TAUGHT anything. I learned all about different penises and mens’ likes and dislikes and how to please them, though I skipped the part about getting pleased myself. I learned HOW to get a man to sleep with you in the first place (it’s not that hard) and took a lot of risks that only led to the sexually transmitted HPV and, thankfully, not HIV or pregnancy (thank you, Nuva Ring!). I got a reputation among my friends as the moaner (mostly faked) and was fascinated by these men and what I could learn by fucking them.

I went to my first sex toy party in 2006 and bought my first vibrator (I call it Geoff and still own it, though it no longer vibrates). But I RARELY used it…I just never understood the point of masturbating alone once I got past my rubbing stage. Now I own several toys and enjoy using them with my partner, though I still don’t masturbate alone often enough to justify my collection.

By 2007, I had been through 15 partners, some I’d dated, some I’d slept with on more than one occasion and some straight-up one-night-stands. Number 16 was a conservative and respectful guy who had to tell ME he wanted to “wait.” Number 17, a friend at that time with whom I’d had a strong attraction to.

#17 and I are still dating now, two years later, and for the first time, I’ve been able to relax and truly figure out what I like and want from sex. I’ve been able to be comfortable in experimentation and start getting over some things I used to hate (anal, oral, missionary position). In 2008, I became really depressed and completely lost my sex drive. Sex became a huge chore to me, which was incredibly different from my AT LEAST once a day of hot, sweaty, fabulous sex. I only recently got my sex drive back when my nudist and bi-sexual boyfriend and I started being naked more frequently around the house together. I’ve struggled with his nudism and bi-sexuality but we’ve been working on coming to grips and compromising and the sex is now fantastic as we experiment (toys, porn, positions, style) and I continue to overcome and outgrow some of my modesty, shame and fear.

Stay tuned for this amazing and sexified journey…