things i can’t wrap my head around

Lesbian Teen Sent To Decoy Prom While Other Kids Party At Real One

Did a Mississippi School Stage a Fake Prom for a Lesbian and Her Date?

i’m struggling right now to wrap my head around the hateful things that are happening down south.  i guess i never really realized just how lucky i was to have made it out of high school in one piece.
i can’t believe my own prom was already 10 years ago.

and yet 10 years ago, *I* had no problems taking another girl, in her tux, to my senior prom.

i’ve never understood sexuality.  by that, i simply mean that i’ve never felt that i had to “choose” an identity.  i have, in the past, used “lesbian,” “bisexual,” “queer” and others (note: never “straight.”  ever.) to make it easier on everyone else, but i don’t understand them.  i don’t mean that i don’t understand their dictionary definitions.  i’m not stupid.

i’ve just never let a person’s gender define who they were in my head.  if they were attractive, could make me laugh, had things in common with me and were interested, i’d date them.  it wasn’t about being gay, straight or bisexual. it wasn’t about sex at all.

and i like sex.  okay, i love sex.  sure, i have my dry spells, periods of sexual anorexia, but that comes with the territory.  it’s all part of who i am.

but when the sex is done, probably 7 times out of 10 i didn’t want to leave.  there’s a lot more to it than that, a whole world of mental crazy that i don’t feel like getting into right now, but it’s not like i just wanted to be a slut.  even when i had multiple partners at a time, i still felt loyal to each of them in my own way.  it was never secretive, mind you, i didn’t cheat on anyone i was monogamous with.  sometimes there was group sex, sometimes i would leave one to get with another, but a part of me loved them all on different levels.  i’ve had very little meaningless sex in my lifetime, and even that i don’t regret.

so to say that my “bisexuality” was ever simply casual is inaccurate.  i could very easily be with a woman right now if my husband hadn’t come along when he did.  although, that’s not entirely fair, i was sort of in a very rough place when he came along, and the next thing i knew we were living together…

omg i am babbling.

the point i guess i’m trying to make is that i don’t understand sexuality because it’s not something that i personally feel is important.  i know that sounds nuts, and to be fair i *am* certifiably crazy.

so in my inability to understand it, i find it impossible to understand how people can hate over it.  it just doesn’t compute in my head, no matter how it’s explained to me.

i’ve been fired up since i read about the fake prom incident.  it’s really upsetting.  they’re just kids, how are they even capable of such hate?!

or should i be asking how *i* got so lucky that none of this was ever an issue for me?  i was never shy about it, and sure i know that people talked about me behind my back, but no one ever discriminated against me outright.  not even in the locker room for p.e.

it bothers my husband that i don’t identify as straight now that i’m married to him, but he doesn’t understand me on this level.  i don’t think it’s that he has a problem with gay people as much as he has a problem with the idea that i could someday leave him for a woman.

“We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.” — Marilyn Monroe

“I’ve had more difficulty accepting myself as bisexual than I ever did accepting that I was a lesbian. It felt traitorous. A few years ago, I admitted to myself that I was still interested in men in more than a “Brad Pitt is slick hot sexy” kind of way. But I worried what my friends, exes, and the Community would think. I never even broached the subject with my parents. Because what bothered me the most was that people would think that being a lesbian had been a phase for me, when that was so very not the case. What I feared was that I would no longer be part of a community, that I might be seen with my boyfriend and not be recognized as something not the same. ” — R. Gay

“What I’m asserting is that we are looking at bisexuality the wrong way, making the identity entirely dependent on someone other that the bisexual person him- or herself. If I’m dating a man, I’m straight. If I’m dating a woman, I’m a lesbian. But sexuality is not who you sleep with, it’s who you are. It doesn’t change according to who is standing next to you.” — Jennifer Baumgardner

yeah.  i kind of feel like that.  leave it to other people to say what i want to say better than i can.  i guess that’s why i’m not other people.

my heart goes out to constance.  she’s a beautiful girl with her whole life ahead of her, and she should be proud for standing up for herself, even though it backfired. I am certainly proud of her.  and i hold hope that this is a step in the right direction for protection of students being bullied in schools, even if it’s too late for her.

i feel pity for the students too closed in their minds to realize what they’ve done is not cool or funny.  and sorry, but it is certainly not what Jesus would have done, so beating their bibles can only lead to ugly bruising.  well, at least those bruises will make it easy to spot their ignorance at the Walmart.