Too Afraid to Grab Horns…

So, I think when one is not getting enough, maybe writing about it could help. Maybe.

I am a single mother. I am a single mother with a rather large sex drive who is not dating anyone. I do have a friend with benefits (FwB), but, gentle reader, having sex once every 3 weeks or so is like a drop water in a vast dried up ocean of desire.

*laughs* Apparently being horny makes me poetic.

The thing is, I don’t want just another FwB. I’m not just horny, I’m also lonely. I want someone who is not just a source of regular (and hot and kinky ) sex, but a companion, company, an emotional connection, someone to go out with! Am I asking for too much? I dunno, maybe… what with working full time, the toddler, all my many hobbies, my insane money woes, not to mention trying to get together with just my FRIENDS, I already have so much on my plate. I don’t know that I have a whole lot left to give to anyone else, or if that’s even fair to anyone else.

And the kicker is I don’t want a man. Or, rather, I don’t want JUST a man. I’m actually rather content with my male FwB, and I’ve been drawn more and more lately to women. I have only just recently consciously realized that I’m bisexual, though looking back I think I started finding woman attractive in high school. I think I even know now who was my first girl crush . I mean, I did mess around with women (and men, I do so love me a threesome) in college, but I only in the last couple of years recognized that I’m really, truly attracted to women, and not just for their bodies. I’m still getting used to my new identity: pagan bisexual mom who is defined by many of her hobbies (geek!!) with a career she both loves and finds impossibly difficult at times. The poly thing, that’s not new to me, though it rarely works out as expected. So I guess I’m looking for a primary woman, as my boy’s definitely my secondary.

I’ve dated a few women, but they were hot and fast and went up in big flames of crazy. *sigh* A couple of the women and I are friends again, which is nice (both married with kids now, now that I think about it… hmm…), but the one that I had the biggest crush on was also the biggest falling out, and she still hates my guts and refuses to acknowledge my presence if we happen to cross in the same circle. It was tramatizing, and I still haven’t really gotten over it. And I guess that’s my problem. I’m terrified to approach women now, more or less.

It’s hard to get some when one is too scared to go out and actually acquire anything, huh? I’m too scared to even approach women, let alone talk to them. And part of that is social stigma and fear of rejection, and part of that is old heart wounds. Ah, yes, the human condition at work. And so instead of daring to get out there, I sit at home with a full supply of batteries and long for the percieved unatainable just because… I’m human. o_O Such is life sometimes.

So, until I finally grab the bull by the horns (Ewe? Ewe’s have horns, and female caribou…), I’ll be here, at the ready. In the meanwhile, at least I did learn something about myself and my identity, and what I want. Until next time, dear reader, I bid you happy orgasms.

Sex Scenes In Media

I know that BY FAR I am not the first person to talk about sex scenes in movies (or books, or shows), and I’m sure I won’t be the last, either. But I love movies, and I love a good sex scene, and since this is my blog and I can talk about whatever I want, by god, I WILL, even if it’s been covered by a thousand people before me.

So I was in the shower, and I was thinking about tits… stop me if you’ve heard this one before. (If you read any of my other blogs, you’ll recognize that as the starting line of tonight’s post on my horror blog.) I was specifically thinking about tits in horror movies, and of adding a new weekly feature to that blog centering around said topic, and this is where my blogging lines start to blur. It’s got tits (and ass, and wang), so maybe it would be better to feature it here. But it’s primarily going to focus on HORROR media, which makes it possibly more appropriate for my horror blog. I just don’t know! Rather than repeat myself in two places on the internet (that’s TRUE horror, after all), I figured I’d start a similar weekly feature over here, and highlight sex scenes that I encounter in various forms of media over the week. Sex-Scene Sunday?

I cannot POSSIBLY express how happy it makes me that this is the second image result when you Google “sex scenes in movies”. FAN. TAS. TIC. And I say that with no sarcasm whatsoever.

I tried to think of some examples to kick off this post, and honestly my brain went totally blank. I know there are a million of them out there, and instead of something GOOD, do you know what invaded my mind and wouldn’t let go? The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover. Haven’t seen it? Don’t bother. My husband and I watched it at the behest of a good friend who insisted that it was the most AMAZING movie she’d ever seen (we’re still wondering what she was smoking). It was a pretty torturous art-house flick, but we stuck it out through the end. Some years down the road, I honestly couldn’t tell you exactly what the movie is about or what the point of it is (though I do believe I recall a good amount of nudity and sex scenes; it is, after all, an ARTSY film). I CAN, however, tell you about the end of the movie in excruciating detail, as it is burned into my brain forever and always. The thief, in a fit of rage, manages to get a hold of his wife’s lover and kill him. The wife, finding her dead lover, convinces the cook to, well, cook his body, and forces her husband to eat it before she kills him. “Try the cock,” she says in a half-teasing, half-threatening voice. “It’s a delicacy.”

(I’ve found the scene here. The fully cooked cadaver (with aforementioned DELICACY on full display) is a thing of horrific wonder; while not a horror film in and of itself, I may have to feature this scene on Wang Wednesdays over at my horror blog.)

SO! Now that we’re all feeling good and sexy, what are some of your favorite sex scenes in media?

(By the by, I thought of something else as I was in the midst of typing this post. The documentary This Film Is Not Yet Rated, a most interesting discourse on how the MPAA chooses to assign ratings to films, unsurprisingly covers an astounding amount of sex in movies. There were movies with THRUST COUNTS, for god’s sake. It’s as good a place as any to start if you’re looking for sex scenes in abundance. And it was a fairly interesting documentary, too.)

I Could Feel The Cock

When I was a teen, I used to dream these INCREDIBLE vivid dreams every night. Not always erotic; honestly, they were usually horrific, but since I’ve got quite the penchant for horror and fancy myself a writer, it got to where I actually enjoyed those dreams – they were great fodder. But I would have the occasional erotic dream with some regularity, at least once every month or two.

As I got older, it seems my dreaming has faded. I presume I still dream, but I rarely remember my dreams upon waking these days. I haven’t for years. It’s always made me sad, because my dreams were something I looked forward to; I even maintained an very detailed dream diary for years. And the erotic dreams? Virtually nil for most of my adult life.

For the past week or two I’ve been having horrible, fractured sleep, punctuated by many nightmares – not nightmares of the horror variety (as I mentioned, those have generally never bothered me), but nightmares about a particular situation in my life that is plaguing me. I’ve been stumbling around like I’m sleepwalking through my days, and it’s been generally unpleasant. Last night I had a bit of a turnaround, or at least a reprieve; I slept well AND – AND! – I had an erotic dream. It wasn’t terribly graphic, but it was a GOOD one. I’m going to share it here, so if reading about people’s dreams bothers you, it’s time to stop here.

Cast of characters: me and a whole bunch of people that don’t actually exist in my real life.
Setup: I was single and childless. Also a bit younger and thinner than I currently am. HOORAY FOR FANTASY!

I was going on a date with a guy I’d recently started seeing. We were at the “only a few dates, but definitely becoming VERY interested in each other” stage. He picked me up (from my parents’ house, natch) and we were going to head out to the movies. This part of the dream was full of sweet buildup – semi-awkward yet endearing early relationship talk; that feeling that your heart is going to beat out of your chest with the joy of being near this person you are so interested in, knowing they are also interested in being with you; shared popcorn in the dark, buttery fingers brushing; nervous laughter; the thrill of holding hands, marveling at the feel of their fingers entwined with yours.

After the movie we went out dinner. He took me to a fictional rib joint. There was an absurd amount of dream-focus on us getting and elaborately packing up some ribs to go, as we had apparently decided to take them back to his place and eat while watching some more movies. (Ribs might not be erotic but MAN I love some good ribs. I presume the ribs and the shared love of movies was all my mind’s way of assuring me that I was indeed compatible with this guy.) At the rib joint we ran into some friends of his and chatted a bit. There was a girl with them, slightly younger than us, super blonde, thin, pretty, sweet, innocent. I could tell she was really interested in my new guy but didn’t know quite what to do about it. Somehow she managed to finagle a ride home from him / us, and we headed out. There was a good amount of banter in the car and somehow the joking turned to semi-dirty talk and teasing about threesomes. I don’t remember the exact conversation. What I DO remember is us pulling into a parking lot and me taking on her ‘dare’, offering to make out with her. I think she thought it was still something of a joke because she teasingly came at me, tongue protruding, in that “ha ha we’re not really going to do this, she’ll pull away at the last second” fashion. I tried to kiss her back but that tongue, ew, it was like making out with a dog. Wet, slobbery, no one wants a tongue just shoved at them straight away. We tried again, and she did the same thing; it occurred to me that while yes, this started as something of a joke, I fully intended to make out with her if she was going to go along with it, and it also occurred to me that she didn’t seem to have a lot of experience with kissing in general. So I pulled back gently, smiled, and bade her put her tongue back in her mouth. “Don’t start out with the tongue right away,” I said. “Start with a slow build; here, follow my lead.” I leaned back in slowly and gently touched my lips to hers. Pulled back a little, parted my lips slightly and kissed her again. Her lips were soft and pliant, yet slightly stiff; she wasn’t sure about this yet. I could tell that she’d never kissed a girl before and wasn’t at all sure if this was what she SHOULD be doing. But her lips were so soft and warm, and mine felt equally nice to her – it really IS a completely different experience from making out with a guy – and she began to open to the warm ministrations of my lips on hers. As she relaxed, I eased my tongue forward slightly, seeking with just the tip, testing her, letting her get used to it. Soon she answered with her tongue, and what had started as a joke was now building into something much more serious, with slow heat and soft sensuality pulsing between us in waves. I could feel my new boyfriend watching us from the driver’s seat. Just as we really began to get serious with our tongues, she pulled away. I smiled at her, and she gave me a dirty look as if I’d tricked her. Tricked her into doing something dirty, something she LIKED but believed was something she shouldn’t like, and so she was going to hold on to her anger about it rather than admit that maybe it was OK to have an unconventional experience. There followed a gentle discussion in the car of the importance of saying ‘no’ if you really don’t want to do something with someone.

DREAM FAST FORWARD! Literally. I have no memory of what happened in between; I presume we took her home and drove to Boyfriend’s house, where we suddenly were in his room (in the basement) and making out. Dinner and movies were forgotten in the heat of the moment; the girl may have decided to deny she was affected by our kiss, but both Boyfriend and I were mature enough to admit we were just fine with girl-on-girl action and were willing to take advantage of the charge we had gotten from it. We were at a point in our relationship where we had never gone much past kissing before; we were both INTERESTED in more but neither of us had wanted to rush things. The charge from the car makeout session was undeniable though, and there was a new heat between the two of us that hadn’t been there before, an undeniable NEED for each other; the air around was practically on fire, tinged with the electricity of “we’re gonna DO IT”; sparks were flying from our fingertips as we caressed each other. There was no hesitation between us as our lips met eagerly again and again; we were ready to devour each other. He trailed kisses down my jaw and around my neck as he turned me so that my back was pressed against him. His hands worked the buttons on my shirt, opening it and pulling it open and down to reveal my bra, my chest, my shoulders. His hands slid inside and up to my breasts as he kissed all along my shoulders. He cupped my breasts, and I swear I could FEEL those hands on me, so vivid, so real. “I love your breasts, they’re so beautiful,” he murmured into my neck. I shivered and pressed back against him, bringing my own hands to his and cupping my breasts with him. I could feel his erection pressing into me, hard and thick through his pants, and somehow I wasn’t wearing pants anymore, just standing there in a bra and panties, pressing into him, flexing the muscles in my ass against his hard-on. He breathed in sharply and I did it again, rolling and flexing my glutes against him in a sort of caress-squeeze-stroke motion. “Oh god,” he groaned. “That is AMAZING! Don’t stop.” The feeling of him pressing against me was almost more than I could bear, and his hands on me felt so good, and I wouldn’t have stopped except… my alarm went off.

DENIED! Oh, the agony. I woke up and hit that snooze button as fast as I could, but I tell you, I could FEEL his cock pressing against my ass even after I woke up. No joke. I seriously thought I was sleeping with a stick or something in my bed, I actually had to reach behind me to make sure that there was nothing in the bed with me.

I tried to reclaim the dream after I snoozed, and I got some of it back, but it turned into something resembling a comedy where we were in his bed, I was naked (but he wasn’t yet), getting ready to continue the deed and then… his family came home and came down into his room and caught us and his mother started ranting about him having naked girls in her home and everyone else was embarrassed and trying to drag her out of the basement and it was pretty funny, actually. But certainly nowhere near satisfying.

As I said, this dream was all about erotic buildup and no payoff. But it was awesome, SO incredibly vivid, and a hell of a lot better than what I’ve been living with at night. I’ll take it!

I feel pretty good about my incredible ass muscles today too. Even if they too are a fantasy.

Preview…

Hey all. The Muse here, raring to go. Spring is here and the air is full of bright, new, exiting energy, and it all just gets me SO worked up!!

Problem is, I’ve been so busy that nothing’s been going on, and I barely have time to write up a proper post.

So this is kind of a place holder. There is a lot brewing in this little head of mine, and I hope soon to get a good post or two typed up addressing some of the myriad challenges I’m facing as a busy, horny, CRAZY and slightly left-of-normal single mother of one amazing but similarly crazy toddler girl.

TTFN!

things i can’t wrap my head around

Lesbian Teen Sent To Decoy Prom While Other Kids Party At Real One

Did a Mississippi School Stage a Fake Prom for a Lesbian and Her Date?

i’m struggling right now to wrap my head around the hateful things that are happening down south.  i guess i never really realized just how lucky i was to have made it out of high school in one piece.
i can’t believe my own prom was already 10 years ago.

and yet 10 years ago, *I* had no problems taking another girl, in her tux, to my senior prom.

i’ve never understood sexuality.  by that, i simply mean that i’ve never felt that i had to “choose” an identity.  i have, in the past, used “lesbian,” “bisexual,” “queer” and others (note: never “straight.”  ever.) to make it easier on everyone else, but i don’t understand them.  i don’t mean that i don’t understand their dictionary definitions.  i’m not stupid.

i’ve just never let a person’s gender define who they were in my head.  if they were attractive, could make me laugh, had things in common with me and were interested, i’d date them.  it wasn’t about being gay, straight or bisexual. it wasn’t about sex at all.

and i like sex.  okay, i love sex.  sure, i have my dry spells, periods of sexual anorexia, but that comes with the territory.  it’s all part of who i am.

but when the sex is done, probably 7 times out of 10 i didn’t want to leave.  there’s a lot more to it than that, a whole world of mental crazy that i don’t feel like getting into right now, but it’s not like i just wanted to be a slut.  even when i had multiple partners at a time, i still felt loyal to each of them in my own way.  it was never secretive, mind you, i didn’t cheat on anyone i was monogamous with.  sometimes there was group sex, sometimes i would leave one to get with another, but a part of me loved them all on different levels.  i’ve had very little meaningless sex in my lifetime, and even that i don’t regret.

so to say that my “bisexuality” was ever simply casual is inaccurate.  i could very easily be with a woman right now if my husband hadn’t come along when he did.  although, that’s not entirely fair, i was sort of in a very rough place when he came along, and the next thing i knew we were living together…

omg i am babbling.

the point i guess i’m trying to make is that i don’t understand sexuality because it’s not something that i personally feel is important.  i know that sounds nuts, and to be fair i *am* certifiably crazy.

so in my inability to understand it, i find it impossible to understand how people can hate over it.  it just doesn’t compute in my head, no matter how it’s explained to me.

i’ve been fired up since i read about the fake prom incident.  it’s really upsetting.  they’re just kids, how are they even capable of such hate?!

or should i be asking how *i* got so lucky that none of this was ever an issue for me?  i was never shy about it, and sure i know that people talked about me behind my back, but no one ever discriminated against me outright.  not even in the locker room for p.e.

it bothers my husband that i don’t identify as straight now that i’m married to him, but he doesn’t understand me on this level.  i don’t think it’s that he has a problem with gay people as much as he has a problem with the idea that i could someday leave him for a woman.

“We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.” — Marilyn Monroe

“I’ve had more difficulty accepting myself as bisexual than I ever did accepting that I was a lesbian. It felt traitorous. A few years ago, I admitted to myself that I was still interested in men in more than a “Brad Pitt is slick hot sexy” kind of way. But I worried what my friends, exes, and the Community would think. I never even broached the subject with my parents. Because what bothered me the most was that people would think that being a lesbian had been a phase for me, when that was so very not the case. What I feared was that I would no longer be part of a community, that I might be seen with my boyfriend and not be recognized as something not the same. ” — R. Gay

“What I’m asserting is that we are looking at bisexuality the wrong way, making the identity entirely dependent on someone other that the bisexual person him- or herself. If I’m dating a man, I’m straight. If I’m dating a woman, I’m a lesbian. But sexuality is not who you sleep with, it’s who you are. It doesn’t change according to who is standing next to you.” — Jennifer Baumgardner

yeah.  i kind of feel like that.  leave it to other people to say what i want to say better than i can.  i guess that’s why i’m not other people.

my heart goes out to constance.  she’s a beautiful girl with her whole life ahead of her, and she should be proud for standing up for herself, even though it backfired. I am certainly proud of her.  and i hold hope that this is a step in the right direction for protection of students being bullied in schools, even if it’s too late for her.

i feel pity for the students too closed in their minds to realize what they’ve done is not cool or funny.  and sorry, but it is certainly not what Jesus would have done, so beating their bibles can only lead to ugly bruising.  well, at least those bruises will make it easy to spot their ignorance at the Walmart.

Welcome To Our Newest Blogger!

I’d like to give a rough and dirty welcome to our newest author, The Muse Amused! She’ll be up and running soon; in the meantime feel free to check out her bio page to learn a little more about her. It’s so great having such a diverse group of women here. Welcome and thanks for joining us!

Songs That Make You Feel Good ‘N Dirty

One of the things I love about music is how songs affect different people in different ways, and the meaning of a song, for you, might be completely different from the meaning I get from listening to it. Sometimes those meanings turn dirty… even when the song itself isn’t. Or maybe it IS. Whether it’s direct, or ambiguous, or just that you’ve got a dirty mind, sometimes you listen to those songs and you tingle in some funny places.

One of those songs, for me, is Crimson and Clover by Tommy James and the Shondells. I’ve always loved the song, but for years now I’ve been convinced it’s kind of filthy. Check it out:

Now I don’t hardly know her
But I think I could love her
Crimson and clover

So here’s this guy, and in my head he always looks something like my high school boyfriend (which is to say LIKE A CREEPER), but if you picture Tommy James it works just as well, because he looks a bit like a creeper too.

So here’s your average creeper, checking out some girl that he immediately latches onto mentally, and he starts thinking some dirty, obsessive thoughts about her.

Ah
Well if she come walkin’ over
Now I been waitin’ to show her
Crimson and clover
Over and over

Yeah, he’s been waiting to show her, all right. At this point I start to wonder WHAT, exactly, ‘crimson and clover’ could be referring to. And my mind starts to go to some uncomfortable places.

Yeah
My mind’s such a sweet thing
I wanna do everything
What a beautiful feeling
Crimson and clover
Over and over

His mind’s such a sweet thing… he’s undressing her in his head, and wishing they made roofies back in the sixties. Crimson? It’s got to be her virginal blood as he deflowers her. It COULD be a menstruation reference, maybe the dude wants to earn his red wings, but since he said he ‘don’t hardly know her’, it’s not like he’d know if she was on the rag or not, so I’m thinking he’s fantasizing about deflowering this young girl. And since ‘clover’ is a plant, maybe that’s another reference to deflowering. Or maybe he wants to do her in some lush green meadow, and have her bleed all over the grass. What a beautiful feeling, indeed.

Crimson and clover, over and over

And then he repeats his fantasy, over and over… and over and over… in that eerie, shaky, electrically modified voice. THIS DUDE IS A PERV. Seriously. That girl better run far away. I don’t think it’s going to be a beautiful feeling for her.

A brief internet search shows that I’m not the only one who has thought along these lines. The two most popular theories about this song seem to be that it’s either about deflowering a girl OR smoking some bud.

I’m pretty sure it’s the deflowering. ‘Cause that’s just how my mind works.

Why Yes, Pole Dancing CAN Be Beautiful

Just watch this gorgeous video of a girl pole dancing to Pachelbel’s Canon in D. I am STUNNED. If ever I had a reason to take up the fine art of pole dancing, this would be it. As a matter of fact, when my darling husband and I renew our vows in five years, I do believe that I want my bridesmaids (do you HAVE bridesmaids at a vow renewal ceremony?) to be strategically placed down the aisle, which will of course be fitted with poles, and instead of walking down the aisle they will do a synchronized version of this.

I guess we’ll all have to wear pretty slinky dresses. But you know, we have five years to get fit… and I think we’ll need ALL FIVE of those years to develop the muscles necessary to achieve this!

My husband hasn’t been too keen on my past suggestions that we install a pole in our home, for exercise purposes, because he believes it will set a bad example for the children. I think this is because he hasn’t experienced pole dancing art as spectacular as this. (Nor has he, perhaps, given much thought to what my body will LOOK like if I pole dance with regularity! (Though I suspect he’s on to my penchant for dropping new hobbies like a hot potato as soon as the next shiny thing comes along.))

SO… which of my friends is installing the pole on which for us to practice??

Turtles Gone Wild

You know, I consider myself pretty well versed in the animal kingdom, anatomy, the birds and the bees and all that. However, reptiles have never been much to my taste (in PET OWNERSHIP, PEOPLE! GEEZ!). So I can safely say that I’ve never seen a turtle’s penis… until today.

You think you’re getting the money shot at about ten seconds in… but really, just give it about eight more seconds to be sure you’re well and truly horrified. I love the fact that there are young children watching it with their parents. The commentary really makes the video! Kids: “record it!” “it’s his you-know-what!” Mom: “WOAH that’s a LONG one!” Oh Mom, you would know.

If you like your turtle porn just a wee (heh heh) bit more adorable, then check out this post of a turtle humping a shoe. Adorable “O” face, the cutest little squeaks and squeals as he gets his rocks off, STILL the same horrifying penis.

Don’t miss the remix where the “I like turtles” kid explains exactly why he likes turtles. OOOHHHH YEAH.

Turtles, kids, and animal-on-shoe porn. I JUST WENT THERE. (Alarmingly, I am not the first to have done so.)

 

 

In Chicago we call it SASSAGE

We’ve been pretty stingy with the content here, and for that I apologize. I have this great plan of what sorts of things to post when for this blog… and I can’t find it anywhere. Life’s been kicking my ass lately and has been getting in the way of all my dirty fun (just ask my husband, he’ll be happy to tell you at length about all the fun we’re NOT having!). It happens to the best of us, eh? In the meantime… here is some fun sausage for you to peruse:

http://lolpornonline.com/

(I think I’m going to have to comment on some of the entries there at some time further down the road… in the meantime, you can thank Miss love sick & stubborn for that link!)

And if you like your dirty fun to be a little more…unusual, well, here’s one that even I had trouble believing at first (probably due to the fact that I have a small phobia of corpses). But hey, if you’re not totally weirded out by dead things like I am, and you’re looking to add something new to your collection… why not try some SEXIDERMY? These seem to be ‘art’ rather than functional sex toys (thank goodness!), and would make great coffee-table art.

(If the armadildo isn’t quite your style, you can always go with the pussy cat. There is something oddly hypnotic about a human pussy on a cat’s face. I can’t quite stop staring at it.)